aftermath
by stanaticlover8
Summary: They're both quiet in the aftermath of their fight. They've never fought like this, never said things to intentionally hurt the other person. Her voice is weak and defeated when she finally speaks. He aches to reach out and touch her but he isn't sure how she'll react and if the blankness shining in her eyes is any clue, he knows she'll probably flinch away.


They're both quiet in the aftermath of their fight. They've never fought like this, never said things to intentionally hurt the other person. Her voice is weak and defeated when she finally speaks. He aches to reach out and touch her but he isn't sure how she'll react and if the blankness shining in her eyes is any clue, he knows she'll probably flinch away. I think I'm going to go stay at Lanie's. She says. His eyes snap up to hers because he wasn't expecting that but he also wasn't expecting this big of a fight or maybe he was because he's noticed the small things that have been going wrong lately. He's noticed the way she's been more withdrawn around him, the way her eyes don't light up for him in quite the same way as before. He's noticed she's been spending longer nights at the precinct and hasn't been sleeping or eating as much. The way she doesn't look at him like he puts the stars in the sky anymore. He noticed these small changes and even some of the bigger changes but he never expected them to crash and burn quite like this.

She doesn't go to Lanie's that night. Instead she finds her on a familiar trek to her dads. A storm is brewing inside her by the time she gets to his door and it doesn't even register that it's 3 in the morning and he's probably asleep. She uses the key he gave her years ago that she hardly ever uses anymore and opens the door. He's not waiting for her on the couch like he used to back in high school and she kind of wishes he was but she's not a girl anymore and she's not the same little girl she was back then. She collapses on the couch and then she hears his soft footsteps walking towards her and then the storm within her breaks. Katie, he says softly and she can almost hear the heartbreak in his voice for her. He kneels in front of her with concern shining in her eyes and she's never wanted him more than she does now. She reaches for him with shaky hands and he comes happily. He holds her on the couch while she cries. He doesn't ask and she suspects he must know it has something to do with Castle. He only holds her tighter and offers soothing words. She falls asleep in his arms for the first time in years.

She wakes up to the smell of coffee. She sits up quickly and smiles at the blanket that covers her legs. She's still on the couch so she glances into the kitchen and finds her dad sitting at the kitchen table with a soft smile. I made coffee, he offers softly. She nods, standing up and walks to him. He offers her a cup and she only smiles in appreciation. Do you want to talk about it? He asks, taking a sip of his coffee. She glances up at him and then plops in the chair beside him. She pulls her knees to her chest and lets out a shaky breath. She can feel the tears brimming in her eyes and it only makes her angrier. He cheated, she starts slowly, her voice breaking. Jim doesn't say anything, doesn't know what to say to make his little girl feel better. He hasn't seen her this broken since Johanna's death. Katie, he whispers but she only looks up at him with glassy eyes and offers a sad smile. I thought we could make it work but… I can't… I don't know how. She cries out. He reaches out and pulls her to him, a fire burning in his eyes that she hasn't seen in years. You're going to be okay, he whispers, softly and she nods.

She calls off work that day and makes her way back to Castle's. She's not going there with the intent of fixing them, she's going there with the intent of ending them. She expects to feel some sort of comfort in this but she doesn't. The only thing she feels is her heart shattering. She wants to hear his heart shatter when she crushes it between her two hands because she doesn't hate anyone more than she hates him right now. She always thought their story would end happily because she deserves that and even though he made a mistake that she'll never be able to forgive him for, he deserves a happy ending as well. Just not with her and that hurts because she wants to be his happy ending but she knows she won't ever be, no matter how she feels and how he feels or what either of them say. She always thought she deserved happiness and she always thought he'd be the one to give her a life of happiness but now she realizes some people aren't meant for a life full of happiness and strangely enough she's come to accept that she's one of them.

It was when she met him when she understood all the love songs and why couples danced with each other. It was when she understood kissing and why it was the most beautiful thing and now she wonders why she let herself fall for him, she should've known but now she remembers why heartbroken people cry and why they stay away from everyone when their hearts shatter because they need their space to fill it with the voice of their lover who left and the memories to bring their hearts' pieces together and then break them again. It was when she met him when she understood what life was all about and why people stay up late at night thinking about that someone and he's the first one to break her like this.

He's not home when she gets there but Alexis and Martha are. They both hug her like they know this is goodbye without her saying anything so she hugs them back in the same way. They both offer sympathetic smiles and she wonders if they know what he did. I thought I should get my stuff, she says softly. She watches as Alexis's eyes shatter at her words and Martha's turn heartbroken because they now understand the significance of this encounter. They both know why her hug felt like a final goodbye. Richard isn't home. Martha says, softly. She's trying to read Kate but Beckett has already built her walls back up. That's okay. I just need my clothes and a few things. Beckett quickly explains. Tears brim in Alexis's eyes and Beckett wishes she knew what to say, how to make her understand that she doesn't want to leave, that this doesn't have to be goodbye but even as she thinks it to herself. She knows this is their goodbye because with Castle and hers break up, he'll get Alexis and Martha and she'll get the precinct and Lanie.

Martha and Alexis follow her to Castle's bedroom and stand in the doorway, watching her every move. She gathers all her clothes and then goes to the bathroom and grabs her toothbrush. She wants to rid herself of this place. She's hoping by doing so it'll make it easier on him. He won't see her in every room because everything that's associated with her here will be gone and she hopes that makes it easier. She really does. She grabs her lotion and Chap Stick off the night table beside his bed and adds it to her suitcase. She glances around the room, making sure she's not forgetting anything before she turns back to Alexis and Martha. She goes to them and pulls each of them into a hug before she turns away and collects her suitcase. They lead her to the door where they stand in silence for a few seconds. Take care Katherine, Martha finally says. Beckett nods, tears brimming in her eyes. You too Martha and you too Alexis. Tell Rick I said I hope he finds his happy ending. She says and then she's gone. Martha and Alexis stand in front of the doorway until Castle comes home and when he sees their faces, he goes running to the bedroom where he finds her clothes missing and her toothbrush gone from his bathroom. He feels himself shatter as he falls to his knees.

With their break up, she does get the precinct and Lanie and she fights the boys on it but she gets them as well. He gets Martha and Alexis. She moves in with her dad until she finds somewhere to live. She's not the same. She's withdrawn and her walls are back up but she tries to be better than she was when she first met Castle because he gave her a taste of what it feels like to actually live and she'll forever be grateful for that. So she does go out with Lanie and she still jokes around with the boys but it isn't the same, she isn't the same. They can see her heart breaking in her eyes even if she does try and hide it and once the boys and Lanie find out the truth, they begin to hate Castle for what he did and she does hold up her fake façade for many months and then one day, she breaks and the boys, Lanie and her dad are left to help her put herself back together. No, Castle didn't completely destroy her, what he didn't destroy of her, she destroyed. She spends many nights passed out drunk until her dad finally shakes some sense into her. After that, she goes to therapy and tries to be better all over again but there's a sadness in her that nobody can fix. Only he could ever fix because with letting him go, she lost a part of herself that she'll never get back.

He tries to talk to her but she completely cuts him off. After many nights of drunk calling her, he finds himself blocked from her number and it feels like his heart is breaking all over again. Alexis learns of what he did and a part of her begins to resent him for it because he ruined the one good relationship he ever had. Alexis withdraws from him and their relationships suffers after that but his mom is his rock for the first few months. She keeps him floating even though she's disappointed in him, she sticks by him and then one day he wakes up and it doesn't hurt as bad and he writes the final book to the Heat series and he gives Rook and Nikki a happy ending that Beckett and he deserved and he dedicates the book to her like he did in every other one and by doing so, he feels some sort of closure for the both of them. He isn't sure she wants to read it but he sends her a copy anyways with a hand writing note that he hopes makes her forgive him a little more.

She rereads the dedication over and over again. "To Kate who showed me what it was to love someone in an all-consuming way and that sometimes you have to let that person go." Tears fall onto the pages but she can't stop reading it. She eventually turns the page and finds herself looking down at his familiar handwriting. "Kate, I am sorry and I hope you know you didn't deserve it. If I could take it all back, I would but I wouldn't ever trade a moment of our time together. I hope you forgive me someday and I hope you find your happy ending as well because we both know you deserve it. I gave Rook and Nikki the happy ending we deserved. Love, Rick." She doesn't know how to feel so instead she turns the page and finds herself lost in their story and when she does finish the book hours later, she feels some sort of closure


End file.
